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The Journal

The Devin Nunes show

A poorly written spy thriller now playing in the Washington political theater

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Previously on the Devin Nunes show: After the president claimed without evidence that he’d been “wiretapped” by the Obama administration in the days leading up to the 2016 election, Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee Devin Nunes holds a public hearing to hear FBI Director James Comey testify.

Comey declares unequivocally that neither the FBI nor the Department of Justice has any evidence that the president’s tweet has any basis in reality.

Our noble hero Devin is in trouble now. He’s the president’s bro, he served on the presidential transition team, and now that the president’s in trouble for making wild claims about an imagined crime by the Obama administration, Devin’s gotta spring into action to save his bros inthe White House.

Now that Devin is looking for “evidence,” he needs some help, so he’s thrilled when he gets a call from his buddies in the White House: Ezra Cohen-Watnick, who works as a senior official in the National Security Council, and Michael Ellis, who is a national security lawyer in the Office of the White House Counsel. He gets the call and knows he needs to have a secret rendezvous to get the important “information.”

After he stops his car, gets out, and calls an Uber, Devin sneaks into the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, which is a White House office building across the street from the West Wing. Devin manages to sneak in there, according to Sean Spicer, without anyone who works in the White House knowing about it.

Armed with the “information,” Devin wakes up in the morning ready to swoop in and rescue his buddies and bros from the mean things the media are saying about them, like that the president is accusing Obama of a felony without evidence. He gives a press conference at the Capitol Building saying that he has “information.”

Then he goes to the White House and briefs the President on the “information.”

Rep. Adam Schiff, the ranking Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee, decides to be a buzzkill and say (I’m paraphrasing): “What the hell are you talking about?” and “Where did you get this ‘information?’” and “Why won’t you show this ‘information’ to anyone one else on the committee?” and “Why did you go brief the president, the guy you’re supposed to be investigating, before you told anyone what the hell you’re talking about?”Spoiler alert:

Devin found out that two foreign diplomats talked about buying influence in the White House; it wasn’t “evidence,” or new “information,” or anything “relevant.” 

But Devin, our hero, managed to muster his courage and lie to the American public anyways and to give an excuse for his buddies and bros to avoid dealing with the fact that the president drunk-tweeted America.

Stay tuned for next week’s episode. (Check the New York Times every other day for future episodes.)

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Award winning, student run, weekly campus newspaper of the University of Illinois, Springfield..
The Devin Nunes show