Thank You UIS

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Thank You UIS

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As it is October, Halloween slowly dawns upon us. Night of revelries begin, and all the creatures of the underworld seep into this world to feast upon the moral blood. However, in the dead of night, such accomplishments are hard to pull off with your unruly contraptions which you call “light bulbs” and “street lights.” Yet you, University of Illinois Springfield, do so much for us vampires that you do not even realize it.

The lack of your contraptions make it easier for us to waft into the night, stalking unsuspecting prey and feasting upon them so we might have our fill and move onto another location so not to be found. We do not kill them, of course. We are much more refined than those brigands which you portray in your “movies.” How easy it is for us to walk among the shadows, crawl between trees and hide within the cornfields waiting for you students to make yourselves visible. Might we also add, your blood is most exquisite.

Other campuses are not the same. They shine so much of their light upon their walkways that it is hard for us to even take one step outside and stalk others. Especially for myself, Count Dracula, who towers above even the tallest of mortals. We cannot stalk nor hide with such bright lights, even if the waft of student’s blood entices us so. We do have an identity to keep secret and cannot risk to reveal our form. Other universities seem to hate the night, and hate us vampires who wish to live in peace with humanity to snack and drink your blood. It is almost a shame as well, because we only want to live side by side with you mortals instead of having to travel so far to your quaint university so that we can live our days to our fullest. Why, I would even consider your small hamlet a vacation resort for us.

I would wish to reiterate that I do hope that you keep your darkened street corners and lack of lights. You do so much for us vampires that even I, Count Dracula, cannot even begin to explain. And should any students or annoying columnist say otherwise, I would say to them that the administration are doing what needs to be done to keep us vampires happy. I extend my deepest gratitude to you, University of Illinois Springfield. I hope you continue to keep us vampires happy and our bellies filled.

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