LOCAL YETI THANKS UIS FOR AN AMAZING HUNT THIS WINTER

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Photographs courtesy of SVGSCOOP.COM

IMAGE OF LOCAL YETI DESCRIBED BY SIGHTINGS

In recent weeks, UIS has seen a welcoming visitor to its campus. Initially an elusive creature, Mr. Yeti has revealed himself to the UIS campus just this month in a heartfelt letter which lists many of the different ways that UIS campus has helped him feed on unsuspecting students.

Many people were scared that this winter would not be as cold as people hoped it would be, as oftentimes the weather barely touched below 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Some days, winter would see itself as high as 60 degrees with no signs of snow. However, the year 2020 has fortunately showed that winter is still cold, with temperatures recently dropping down to 5 without wind chill. UIS, as inattentive as it is, refused to cancel classes or salt any of the sidewalks, making it easier for Mr. Yeti to prey on students.
“It was like what you would call a Thanksgiving feast!” states Mr. Yeti in his letter to UIS. “I was so happy to be able to eat this winter after the drought of snow. Catching deer is always so hard to do. So when I saw UIS refused to salt its pathways, I was glad to be able to eat for months!”

With the recent disappearances of students, the attendance to UIS has dropped significantly, making classes emptier and rooms colder without sufficient body heat to keep them warm. UIS refused to comment on Yeti’s public letter, nor the fact that he has basically been feeding on students.

Although many people state that people could buy their own salt and salt their own paths, several students have been complaining that it is too expensive and outside their budget to do things that UIS is expected to do. However, Mr. Yeti has expressed gratitude in his letter that the students were so broke after paying for on-campus residence.

“UIS has been so helpful to me by making it so inconvenient for students on campus. I am thinking about making this my permanent residence alongside Dracula with all the food that we have been receiving.”
Hopefully UIS will take precautions next winter so that it can better protect students from Mr. Yeti and his new roommate Dracula by adding new lighting fixtures and ensuring that all roads are salted. Especially if the school hopes that more students will attend its campus.