We have been waiting for it since 1935, the year of the death of Thomas Edward Lawrence, who went down in history books as Lawrence of Arabia. Finally Italy has given the world the worthy heir of such a profound figure in the relations between Europe and the oil sheiks: Louis of Arabia. Thanks to the current position that Brussels has wisely assigned to him as special representative of the European Union for the Persian Gulf (15 thousand euros salary per month) and the probable future promotion to special coordinator of the United Nations for the peace process in the Middle East (22 thousand euros salary per month), our correspondent on the hottest places on the planet can finally give up his surname: Di Maio. Like Charles of England, Philip of Spain, Pope Leo, the singer Madonna.

Thus Di Maio becomes Louis of Arabia

Louis of Arabia, with the same contempt for danger that guided his predecessor, must have infiltrated the nomadic populations of the desert. In fact we haven’t heard about it for months. He is certainly weaving that fundamental web of relationships to avoid wars in the Middle East, consolidate peace and perhaps give a breath of relief to us Europeans, crushed between the arrogance of the Trump-Netanyahu Axis and the hatred of the Pasdaran of Persia towards the free Mediterranean. But the operation must have been so dangerous that Louis of Arabia was missing: we have no further news of him. If not for the dispatches transmitted, perhaps in code, on

Last dispatch from the front, Monday 9 March: “Honoured – writes Luigi d’Arabia – to have joined today the President of the European Council, Antonio Costa, and the President of the European Commission, Ursula von der Leyen, for the videoconference with the leaders of the Middle East”. Penultimate, Thursday 5 March: “Honoured to join the High Representative @kajakallas for the extraordinary EU-GCC ministerial meeting at such a critical moment for our common security”. Third to last dispatch, from 18 February: “With the beginning of the month of Ramadan, I wish our Muslim friends in the Gulf and throughout the world a blessed, peaceful and happy holy month.” Our friends in the Gulf will never forget a Ramadan like this.

We are all very honored too

We too are very honoured, honored, to know that we pay 15 thousand euros a month to Louis of Arabia to write happy Ramadan wishes on behalf of everyone. Surely the role of special agent – agent like his predecessor was and special like his title of representative – does not allow him to come out and confront the ambassadors and ministers of the USA, Israel and Iran to tell them: “What the h. are you doing?”. Where h. this time it doesn’t stand for honored, but for hell, inferno. Translated into English: What the hell are you doing?

What Luigi Di Maio does to deserve 15 thousand euros a month – by Pierfrancesco De Robertis

Louis of Arabia’s generosity must certainly be recognized. Like when, in the less demanding period of being a 5-star Italian minister, he gave the Chinese communist democrats the only strategic supply of anti-virus masks that Italy had accumulated. Evidently he really trusted his friend Mister Ping’s reassurances about the goodness of Covid19. The friendship is undoubtedly demonstrated by the fact that after publicly calling the dictator of Beijing as if he were the inventor of table tennis, Louis of Arabia was able to return home unharmed. Unlike many other potential 5-star voters such as young Uighurs, students from Hong Kong, and protesters in Tiananmen Square.

Luigi d’Arabia-Di Maio at 15 thousand euros a month

Thus, after that precious gift to our friend China, the pandemic arrived for everyone. And at the same time as his very special appointment as European representative, Gaza has disappeared from the map and the Persian Gulf is on fire. Is this his specialty? In short, if someone these days, talking about war, deaths, skyrocketing prices, asked themselves “what does Europe do”, you can easily answer: pay 15 thousand euros a month to Louis of Arabia.

Read Fabrizio Gatti’s investigations and opinions on uisjournal.com