The seventh stage of ‘Pechino Express’, broadcast on Thursday evening on Sky and Now, was the first without the ‘Spassusi’ Francesco Paolantoni and Biagio Izzo, eliminated by the ‘Veloci’ Fiona May and Patrick Stevens last week. A loss that we still have to metabolize. On the other hand, the traveler couples left in the game on foot across China have to face the traditional, much-feared culinary test of the ‘Seven Monsters’. In which, obviously, we would have liked to see the ‘Spassusi’ Francesco Paolantoni and Biagio Izzo involved. Here, however, pass and fail.

Michelle Masullo, Baby Jo Squillo throws too many tantrums: rating 4

There had been some warnings, but we had ignored them, mistaking them for understandable stress from the crossing. This time, however, there is no longer any doubt: Michelle Masullo, Jo Squillo’s daughter and competing with her in the lucky and cunning ‘DJ’ couple, didn’t understand the game. In terms of adaptability, he rivals a penguin in South Africa. She doesn’t accept that mum is ‘satisfied’ with modest accommodations to spend the night on the loose, perhaps she was expecting the Hilton. “You have to understand her, she’s used to it well and that’s why she struggles”, explains the matriarch with a look full of love towards the girl who puts her feet on the ground, sulks, gets angry, walks away towards the unknown with folded arms, she looks like Donald Duck. For Michelle, the native guest houses are always ‘too small’ or ‘dirty’, ‘all shacks’, she cannot find peace. And then he attacks Squillo with the capricious ferocity of a tuturututu baby shark. The next evening goes better: she is hosted by a local woman who, upon entering, gives her a pair of slippers, even offering to massage her tired heels. Delighted, at least she stops whining. But she’s really too much of a princess for ‘Beijing Express’. “They can’t stop me, I’m fed up with this program!”, she screams. Even less. We don’t know if resting your back on a mattress that is less soft than usual stimulates diuresis, but certainly no one has ever died from an ‘uncomfortable bed’. Ungrateful.

Costantino grooms Giulia Salemi, a pleasure of pure and evil cynicism: rating 8

The stage starts with a new couple competing. More or less. More or less because it is the host Costantino della Gherardesca and the correspondent Giulia Salemi, ‘Le Zanzare’. Their journey, however short, is very enjoyable. He shows that he can very well return to competing in reality TV, while she would perhaps be better off not leaving the splendid setting of an Instagram reel. The tension between the two is certainly intentional, but Costantino plays it so well that it seems so concrete, maybe he really can’t stand this ‘certified beauty influencer’ who flits around him, joyfully, between a selfie and a hint of a random twerk. On the way, della Gherardesca asks for directions in excellent English and, when he doesn’t get them, ironically accuses the unfortunate woman: “You’ll be the one who scares them with blush.” Not only that, the presenter tries to educate her, in vain, by talking to her about Confucius and Zarathustra. “I don’t need history buffs!”, ours complains, still smiling from ear to ear. And the other one replies, ferally: “They’re not ‘history quips’, but qualifications for higher-paying jobs. Maybe by chance and without meaning to, you’ve learned something that you’ll forget in the next thirty seconds.” In addition to being so wonderfully groomed by Costantino, Salemi also acts as Malus with the ‘Fariba Flag’ that will agitate the travellers’ path: whoever ‘wins’ it will in fact have to phone Fariba, Giulia’s mother, who has the task of filling them with random chatter, as much as possible, delaying everyone’s journey. The first to suffer the torture are the Albiceleste: in the video call, Fariba shows herself still in bed, as if she had just been woken up with a start. However, her face is made up like a grand gala. In terms of credibility, it seems like we ended up in an episode of the soap ‘Beautiful’. If nothing else, mom’s blush doesn’t ‘scare’ anyone here.

Do rappers make a taxi driver pay for their fare?! vote 7

Allied with the ‘Raccomantati’, the ‘Rappers’ Dani Faiv and Tony 2Milli finally demonstrate that they know how to do one thing: ally themselves with Chanel Totti and Filippo Laurino, precisely. They want to get to the last episode together and so they protect each other. The one who will pay the price will be Giulia Salemi: Malus dei Raccomandati with her ‘Fariba Flag’, they do not deliberately hand it over to the Rappers and then pass it on to the Albiceleste. In this way, the correspondent will find herself facing a second time the traditional and much feared culinary test of the ‘Seven Monsters’ which forces travelers to swallow bowls of bedbugs, scorpion skewers, stale duck blood, pig testicles and loose silkworm larvae. What disgusting delights! In any case, the two lovers of the bars suspect that there is an undeclared alliance between ‘Dj’ and ‘Veloci’ which, for the occasion, the bushy one dubs “The old men’s alliance”. And even today, therefore, nice tomorrow. However, they also rank first because they manage to perform a real miracle: not only do they snag a ride to a taxi but the taxi driver offers to pay for their fare! They attempt to double by kicking Fiona May out of the game, but unfortunately the stage turns out to be non-eliminating. We appreciate the effort, we despise the perpetrators. That’s right: the non-elimination envelope was needed last week, it would have saved the ‘Spassusi’! And when will we get over it? May!

Fiona May remains in the race, saved thanks to the first non-elimination stage of the edition: vote 3

Unfortunately, we will never be able to forgive the ‘Veloci’ for eliminating the ‘Spassusi’. So, we will continue to fail them automatically until the end of the program, should they reach the final – and, by the nose, they will get there. Fiona May and her partner of 14 years Patrick Stevens do not excel this time, in fact they end up at risk of elimination together with the ‘Recommended’ couple Chanel Totti and Filippo Laurino. The Rappers, winners of the stage, are happy to send the two athletes home, but black envelope wants this to be the first non-elimination stage of the edition. And it is perhaps still the first time we see Fiona May exult and rejoice with gusto, however it doesn’t give us great pleasure. Regarding alliances between travellers, such as the one that was created between ‘Raccomantati’ and ‘Rapper’, after having spent the entire journey (repeating) saying that they only play for their own couple, in this excess of gaiety so as not to have to pack up, the champion blurts out with a cryptic grin: “We don’t have alliances, but if we did I certainly wouldn’t come and tell you about them”. So yes, despite a stormy start to say the least, the ‘Veloci’ and the ‘DJs’ have become friends. In practice, only the Albiceleste Candelaria and Camila are there to hold the candle – and so will they end up out of the game next Thursday? If in doubt and if it wasn’t clear: we want the ‘Spassusi’ Francesco Paolantoni and Biagio Izzo back. Thank you.