The desire to please and being accepted by others is deeply rooted in human nature and, from a sociological and anthropological point of view, indispensable for building our identity. There are many possible explanations for the reasons for this psychological dynamic: living with others represented one of the biggest evolutionary advantages For Homo sapiensand for the evolution of his cognition. Being with others increases the chances of survival and reproduction, and it is so important to our species that we all have dedicated brain circuits to the promotion of prosocial behavior.
The need to belong: a question of survival
To understand ours deep need To be accepted, we must go back thousands of years to the time our ancestors lived in small tribal groups. In the transition from being hunter-gatherers to becoming gradually more sedentary as the activity develops agriculturalwhich dates back about ten thousand years, i groups they became increasingly stable and numerous. Even before the advent of agriculture, the risk of becoming a victim of predators and the possibility of cooperate for more ambitious objectives, such as hunting a large animal instead of small prey, constitute, for researchers, strong reasons that have encouraged our need to be togetherwhich has become so important over time that it is embodied in deep brain circuits and to ours emotionswho warn us that loneliness is not at all a good thing for survival. Without protection from predators and the sharing of resources, more reclusive members have always faced greater danger, and consequently poorer chances of survival and reproduction. Our brain is evolved to push us to seek inclusion and avoid exclusionprecisely because being rejected represented a real threat. We still retain this instinct today, perhaps stronger than ever, even if the “wild” risks linked to social exclusion are less evident. THE’social isolation causes serious problems in us and our organism psychological and physiological disordersincreasing mortality today.
The neurobiological bases of the need for approval and belonging
We said that the brain is wired to look for the connection with others and social approval. When we are accepted and praised, the brain receives strong shocks of dopamine in reward circuits. This neurotransmitter gives us an immediate sensation of well beingmakes us feel gratified and triggers a reinforcement of behaviors that have caused this dopamine release, that is, it pushes us more and more to be accepted by others.
The results of neuroscience experiments tell us another amazing thing: social rejection activates areas brains that deal with physical pain. Neuroimaging studies have shown that theanterior insulaone of the regions associated with the perception of physical pain, is also activated when we experience a situation of social exclusion. This may explain why, even if rejection is only emotional, we perceive it as a intense woundcapable of profoundly influencing our emotional well-being.
Belonging and psychological well-being
Feeling part of a group or community is a crucial dimension to feeling satisfied in life, and actually reduces levels of cortisol in our organism; therefore, it reduces stress and promotes mental health. According to the Deci and Ryan’s self-determination theorymembership is one of the three basic psychological needs of the human being, together with competence and autonomy. When these needs are met, people tend to be happier and more motivated to pursue their personal goals.
Let’s not make the mistake of thinking that evolutionary mechanisms belong only to the distant past: the world today not only has it not freed itself from social dynamics, but it is developing precisely on these important qualities of the human being, amplifying its dynamics. THE social mediafor example, are an expression of this mechanism. The platforms use our need for inclusion and the reward circuits in our brain, offering us instant feedback in the form of “like”. Every social confirmation, even online, causes a release of dopamine, and strengthens our desire for approval.
