Last night, Saturday 6 December, a new episode of Dancing with the Stars, the first of the two semi-finals. It all started with the repechage heat: Francesca Fialdini triumphed, Marcella Bella, Beppe Convertini and Nancy Brilli eliminated; Paolo Belli and Mrs. Coriandoli were instead “suspended”. Then the actual race between the qualified couples: Martina Colombari and Luca Favilla won.

Mrs. Confetti’s repechage? Pure sadism towards the public: rating 0

It happens that you make an error of judgment in casting, but dragging that error of judgment up to the first Semifinal of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ and making it last, giving it space, means hating every remaining spectator (and their basic human rights). The episode opens with the ritual play-off between those eliminated and, despite a Nancy Brilli in great shape, Mrs. Emma Coriandoli ends up coming out on top above all others, the only one who has never taken a step on that track in life. Of course, Francesca Fialdini is also brought back, despite the injury still hurting her and as it was inevitable that it would happen. But the comedian Maurizio Ferrini, disguised as Mrs. Coriandoli, cannot explain himself: thanks to the 50-point Tesoretto that a suddenly crazed Rossella Erra assigns to him, he saves himself from oblivion and remains in the competition. Continuing not to dance but to perform sketches as fun and enjoyable as beautiful bunches of fissures. Marcella Bella, Beppe Convertini and Nancy Brilli were sacrificed for this. However, the certainly not wonderful creature is evacuated at the end of the episode, with 5% of the preferences in the televoting. A formality, considering that the run-off was being played with Filippo Magnini and Paolo Belli. However, ‘Dancing with the Stars’ hates us. Or the show is the punishment for what we were in previous lives. At the very least, given the tremendous retaliation, Nazi hierarchs.

Fialdini returns to the race, but will it last? (The Telethon ‘spectrum’ also arrives): 7-

Not all those caught come to harm. Although Mrs. Coriandoli dealt a very hard blow to the viewers (seeing her ‘dancing’ at 1.30 in the morning is a type of torture already tried and tested in Guantanamo), the injured Francesca Fialdini is also back in the competition, as was widely expected. Announced winner of the edition and perhaps the only competitor to enjoy the everlasting favor of the usually bilious jury, ours has resolved the pain in her foot, but three ribs continue to be ‘microinvoiced’. She performs, in fact, full of painkillers in her body AND dances so well that it arouses a suspicion in X’s gossips: how could she ever move like that if she were really injured? We are not orthopedists here, and even less so are those who tweet doubtfully on social media. So, let’s let it slide. Also because there would be another, much more visible problem: Francesca Fialdini, like Paolo Belli, has been announced among the faces of the Telethon marathon, in particular she will be doing a charity relay on TV between December 18th and 21st. Too bad that the final of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ will be held on Saturday 2nd. Does this mean that Paolo Belli and the triumphant Fialdini will forfeit Milly? If this were the case, and the Telethon paper sings, the competitor would have returned to the competition only to please the fans and then withdraw again, in the near future. Due to injury, obviously. And because he already has other work commitments. Logically, imagining it as one and the same, given the conditions in which it finds itself, is not realistically conceivable. A shame because, in dancing, she could be among the best of the edition. But let’s put it this way: even tooth fairies (with very sharp canines) happen to be unlucky…

Barbara d’Urso’s ‘orthopedic dance’ wins (with all due respect to the jury): vote 8

He wants to do everything but retreat. The ‘Iron Lady’ Barbara d’Urso had been suffering from a certain pain in her shoulder for over 20 days, neglecting it. Well, today it’s a bunion. A bursitis that forces her to wear a brace on her arm. And she, with that, dances. Together with maestro Pasquale La Rocca. He dedicates the dance performance to Angelica, his long-time friend, to the tune of ‘The Best Years of Our Life’, Renato Zero. It is, as usual, a triumph of sinuous elegance on the track, despite the obstacle that it brings with it and that would have stopped anyone else. But she doesn’t. Indeed, d’Urso inserts the brace into the stage costume, as if it were a natural part of it. It would already be more than enough to call it a miracle, but maa is not enough for the jury, especially if Barbarella is involved. And so a series of criticisms arrive at La Rocca for having created a choreography that is ‘too simple’. Zazzaroni talks about ‘orthopedic dance’, but the attack comes, it goes without saying, from Selvaggia Lucarelli who cryptic: “Pasquale, you’ve often worked with competitors who are half or completely bruised. Yet you’ve always dared much more. I don’t understand, this time I see you held back”. Both cash in without complaint. Barbarella only lets out a laugh when she sees that the jury gives her a 6 (while everyone else at the table was between 8 and 9 for the same choreography). However, it is difficult to understand the meaning of this objection. It is true that La Rocca, over the years, has supplied the infirmary department of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ with competitors, continuing to dance in pyrotechnic acrobatic evolutions until the partner was left with only the little toe of her foot without a cast. But it is also crystal clear that Barbara d’Urso is 68 years old, even if she demonstrates the perceptible age of a fetus. La Rocca can’t push with her like he would with any 20-30 year old. The fact is that, to the great surprise of no one in the world, the jurors would resort to any idiocy to attack Barbarella. This is the script. She’s very good at not playing the part that was assigned to her beforehand: if the idea was to humiliate her, instead she’s emerging reborn. It’s the others who appear trashy, certainly not Carmelita. This, even if he doesn’t lift the trophy in the final, is and will remain his greatest victory on that track. For the jury, if not for the entire broadcast, they are ‘caffeucci’ without sugar.

Fognini is ‘badass’, but for Lucarelli ‘he’s gone limp’. He invites her to the rehearsal rooms: rating 7.5

This time Fabio Fognini is not, admittedly, the showman, the loose cannon. He dedicates the dance to his children, regretting not having felt close enough to his firstborn because at the time of his birth, tennis still took him around the world. To the notes of Mengoni’s ‘Guerriero’, here he is dancing a little less well than usual, perhaps also due to the emotion. The jury, in the person of Selvaggia Lucarelli, crucifies him on the sidelines: “You’ve lost your personality, you’re no longer as lively as you once were. Look, in this edition of unpleasant people, that could have been your trump card. Instead, you’ve gone limp.” Fognini doesn’t have to be told twice: “No no, look, I’m at least a badass now after this performance in which I wanted to be ‘badass’”. Then, he invites her to the practice room over the next week to show her firsthand how hard he trains. But didn’t Rosa Chemical practice polyamory? (We’re joking, ed.)

Mariotto praises Marcella Bella’s ‘tasty duodenum’: 3

After exchanging Nancy Brilli for Sabrina Ferilli at least three times in a row, Guillermo Mariotto, not satisfied, finds, as a truffle dog, other ways to appear out of place and make gaffes. In reality, we don’t know if we witnessed a real ‘gaffe’ or a sort of courtship ritual, like those between large exotic animals unknown to most, set up by the juror. On the sidelines of Marcella’s performance, Bella, who returned to say that she was ‘the one treated the worst by the jury’, showers her with objectively disgusting compliments: “You make me have sex Marcella, I still look at your split from the first episodes. The duodenum is certainly tasty and in fact I was happy when you wore those short dresses on the dance floor. Then you got offended by the jury’s comments and I saw you more and more chastened. Now you show up with this split which is fine… But you didn’t let me see it enough.” We don’t have much to add, other than the hope that the production of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ can count on a good human resources office. Otherwise, the WWF needs to be alerted.