How much does our brain really take to forget a love? And again: is it ever possible to forget it completely? Three scientific studies tell us that, each in its own way, they tried to measure the intangible: the duration of the attachment after the end of a relationship. The results? According to the most recent study they serve on average 4.2 years To get halfway in the dissolution of an emotional bond, but the detachment process can request up to 8 years.
For most people the former partner stops being an emotional reference point, a psychological refuge. But it is a slow process, the duration of which varies from person to person and from situation to situation: in this sense, to play a key role it seems to be it attachment style. What is certain is that the immune system can be affected by a loving break even after several years.
The attachment study to a former partner
A very recent study published in 2025 by Chong and Fraley of the University of Illinois, monitored people after the end of a significant relationship. A statistical-mathematical model has been applied to data of 328 average adults 32 yearswho had experienced a significant relationship that have ended for at least 6 months. The residual link with the former partner was evaluated on Likert scale from 0 to 7 For three attachment functions: safe refuge, proximity And safe base. The data were then compared with the same assessments attributed to a stranger, to define a point of “extinction of the bond”.
The study found that the link is slowly reduced according to an exponential decrease curve. The researchers estimated that, on average, it takes us About 4.2 years to get halfway in the dissolution of the emotional bond with an ex. After about 8 yearsthe attachment, for the average person, tends to vanish to become psychologically similar to what you have for an unknown.
The style of attachment is a key factor
Doctors Barbara and Dion, in 2000, collected gods detailed questionnaires by 115 Canadian university students, comparing the attachment style (measured via Attachment Style Questionnaire -Asq- a questionnaire widely used in psychology) with emotional reactions at the end of the relationship. The sample above all included young women of average age 19 years, and the study highlighted statistically significant correlations between the anxious and worried style and various indicators of emotional suffering and difficulty of adaptation. These people therefore live the breakdown in a way much more painful.
In fact, those who are worried tend to not want to let go, usually not to have been he or she who wanted the breakdown, who tried more anger, jealousy, sadness and a sense of error, to struggle to reconstruct their identity after detachment.
In essence, the more dependent we are employed, the longer and intense the emotional “wake” of the relationship will be.
The effects of a break on the immune system
In 1999 Kiecolt-Glaser researchers examined 76 separate or divorced subjectscomparing them with married subjects. They measured some Biological indicators of immune function (including the activity of NK cells and antibodies levels against latent viruses) and they found that the greater the persistent attachment to the ex, there were the worst immune responses. They have therefore shown that separation stress can have a direct impact on the immune system. In particular, women separated from less than a year or with still strong feelings towards the former showed marked signs of inflammation and depression; Those who still try a strong attachment to the former has higher levels of depression, anxiety and inflammation;
In some cases, the consequences on health can last years: it is not uncommon to find immune effects still active up to 5 years after separation.
In short, science tells us that forgetting a ex is not only a mental or emotional, but also physiological issue.
