Since the death of Ornella Vanoni last Friday, much has been said about her. Great singer, formidable performer, first artist to win two Tenco awards. Memorable memories of a success that she built for herself, that she deserved and for which she also made painful choices, such as leaving her son in the care of her grandparents. “I had terrible feelings of guilt, I suffered so much that I absolved myself. We talked about it but in any case when the relationship has worn out for many years, it is difficult for it to be perfect”, Vanoni had confessed to Daria Bignardi.

Ornella, therefore, was also spoken of as a mother and grandmother (very caring). But what struck me most was the unique story of her having been a true friend. That friend that everyone would like, that many would like to be, but that few really know how to be.

Almost all the people who called her a friend did not do so because of the tragic circumstance, but for a recurring reason: constancy. She called, always, every week or at least every month. The phone calls, everyone agrees, lasted hours. Orietta Berti said that every week they spent “an hour, an hour and a half talking about family, grandchildren, but above all about our animals.”

Her personal assistant, who was also “a friend”, as she herself underlined, said that what she will miss most will be Ornella’s calls: “When we weren’t together, she would call me and say in a little voice: ‘What are you doing? What are you eating tonight?'”. In eight years of living side by side he could have remembered a thousand other routines, but instead he chose the only one that happened when they were apart.

Mara Venier with an emotional voice declared that never before this year had she felt close to her: “She knew that my husband was ill and she called me to find out how he was”. With Renato Zero we gave each other advice on the medicines to take. “But did you take all the vitamins I told you?”, he asked him over the phone a few years ago while Vanoni was at Venier, on Domenica In.

A true friend. True in the sense that, even at the risk of appearing harsh, she was sincere, she said things as they were and no one ever felt offended, partly because once a certain age is exceeded, everything is granted, and secondly because there was no judgement. “Once, knowing that I had sprained me, she called me and told me that I had to stop using stilts and that I had to wear flat shoes. I told her that I’m short and that I can’t and she simply told me: ‘Don’t care'”, Berti recalled.

Instead, Iva Zanicchi, on Domenica In, said that in the last call made, not even a month ago, Vanoni was almost surprised when he replied: “‘Ah, but then you’re not dead! They told me you were dead’. This is what he asked me on the phone. She was like that”. But Vanoni was also the friend who passed you the joints, as Vittorio Feltri recalled: “She offered me the joints, but I didn’t smoke them because cigarettes were enough for me. After one joint she vomited and I asked her: ‘Which of the two is more stupid then?’. And she: ‘We’re both idiots'”.

The examples could continue endlessly with Paolo Fresu, who will play at his funeral, Arisa, Fabio Fazio, Mahmood.

Ornella Vanoni is also the woman who remained friends with an ex who, as she herself admitted, had made her suffer a lot: Gino Paoli. He declared to Corriere: “If love is measured by suffering, by suffering, by lack, by a feeling of permanent urgency, well, the great love of my life was Gino.” Yet they were very close, and according to Berti they had a project planned together. Paoli’s wife, who has been with him since 1991, said that Ornella had remained a constant presence in their life, and that she was supposed to visit them in these days.

The warm embrace of friendship

He said many beautiful phrases about life and love. But from Fazio, to Che tempo che fa, where she showed irreverent irony, she explained what the hug is for her. And in those words there is perhaps the very essence of friendship: “For me, a hug is the most beautiful thing that can be had between two people. Two friends, for example, two great friends who hug each other, hold each other, it’s as if they want to protect you. The hug unties all the knots inside you, because we all have knots. Life isn’t easy or difficult, but in short, for some people above all, life isn’t easy, and the hug is… I’ve happened to hug people who don’t I knew them, I saw them folded up, as if they were sad. Then I went from behind, held them and generally people cried.”

And what is friendship if not a warm hug that supports you when you falter, that consoles you when you suffer, that rejoices with you when you excel. A pure feeling, which if true lasts a lifetime, sometimes even longer than romantic love. Friendship doesn’t require grand gestures, it requires presence and that, every now and then, you choose to stay. Let’s pick up the phone and call. Just like Ornella Vanoni did.

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